In his well-known book, Al-Hikam (Words of Wisdom), sheikh Ahmad Ibn `Ataa'illah As-Sakandari says:

Do not befriend someone who does not elevate you with his state, or guide you to Allah with his speech. It could be that you are doing evil, yet you think that you are doing good, because you are comparing yourself to your friend who is worse than you.

Throughout our journey to Allah we have learned how to search for our flaws. We also learned that the origin of every sin, forgetfulness, and lust is in being self-righteous, and the origin of every good deed, awareness, and chastity is in being self-critical. Likewise, we have learned that one should be like the accusing voice of conscience, which Allah called to witness in the Qur’an.

Here, Ibn `Ataa' teaches us about another serious flaw, which is the bad choice of friends. How should the believer choose his friends? Ibn `Ataa' answers: "Do not befriend someone who does not elevate you with his state, or guide you to Allah with his speech. It could be that you are doing evil, yet you think that you are doing good, because you are comparing yourself to your friend who is worse than you".

You either befriend someone who is better than you or someone who is worse than you. Ibn `Ataa' says that when you befriend someone who is worse than you, you will think that you are being excellent in any case. This is only because you are comparing yourself to your friend, who is a person has minor or major errors and does not care. However, if you befriend someone who elevates you with his state, or guide you to Allah with his speech; that is, someone who is better than you in terms of faith, this friend will have a good influence on you.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said:

A good friend and a bad friend are like a perfume-seller and a blacksmith: The perfume-seller might give you some perfume as a gift, or you might buy some from him, or at least you might smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith, he might burn your clothes, and at the very least you will breathe in the fumes of his furnace. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

If you befriend someone who is of a good character, he might literally give you some perfume; a believer always keeps a good smell. He might also give you some moral perfume, in the form of a piece of advice, reminder, a Qur’anic wisdom, good guidance, or even a smile. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

Smiling in the face of your brother is charity. (Ibn Hibban and At-Tirmidhi)

He might be a good example for you when you see him give charity, say a good word, or pray to Allah. You will find yourself participating with him in his good deeds.

The other person who is like the blacksmith might literally burn your clothes if he smokes! And if you get closer to him, he might burn your heart by involving you in backbiting, gossip, false testimony, and other evil actions.

(Do not befriend someone who does not elevate you with his state) A "state" is a Sufi expression for the spiritual influence that people have on one's spirituality. This influence has been explained by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) in different traditions. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

"One dirham has become greater than a hundred thousand dirhams". The companions asked: "How can that be O Messenger of Allah?" He replied, "A rich man takes a hundred thousand dirhams from his wealth and gives it away as charity. Another man has nothing except for two dirhams, and so he takes one dirham and gives it away in charity". (Ibn Hibban and An-Nasai.

Here, the only difference between the two men is in the ‘state’ of their hearts, even though the second man gave one hundred thousand more dirhams!

It is reported that the Prophet performed the Fajr Prayer and he read the Chapter of Ar-Rum and he got confused in the recitation. When he finished the prayer, he said:

What about people who pray with us while they do not know how to perform their ablution. We get confused in the recitation of the Qur’an because of them. (An-Nasai)

The hadith is talking about a ‘state’ of an individual which affected negatively the whole congregation praying behind the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).

Jubair bin Mut`im reported that: I heard the Prophet reciting Surat At-Tur in the Maghrib prayer, and when he reached the verse {Or do they deny the existence of Allah? Have they themselves been created without anything that might have caused their creation? or were they, perchance, their own creators? And have they created the heavens and the earth? Nay, but they have no certainty of anything! How could they? Are thy Sustainer’s treasures with them? Or are they in charge of destiny?} (At-Tur 52: 35-37); When I (Jubair) heard this, my heart was about to fly! (Al-Bukhari)

Obayy ibn Ka`b reported: I was in the mosque when a man entered and prayed and recited (the Qur’an) in a style to which I objected. Then another man entered (the mosque) and recited in a style different from that of his companion. When we had finished the prayer, we all went to Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said to him: This man recited in a style to which we objected, and the other entered and recited in a style different from that of his companion. The Messenger of Allah asked them to recite and so they recited, and the Messenger of Allah expressed approval of all their different recitations! There occurred in my mind a sort of denial which has never occurred to me even during the Days of Ignorance before Islam. When the Messenger of Allah saw how I was affected, he struck my chest gently, whereupon I broke into sweating and felt as though I were looking at Allah with fear. (Muslim)

Therefore, it is as if the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was blaming Obayy for doubting the authenticity of the Qur’an, just because it could be read in different Arabic dialects. Obayy, by the way, eventually became one of the committee that wrote down the whole Qur’an when it was later collected in one book during the third Caliph’s time. When the Prophet struck his chest, he changes his state form that of doubt to that of excellence; "to worship Allah as though you are seeing Him, and while you see Him not yet truly He sees you". When Obayy said, "as though I were looking at Allah with fear", he was describing the state to which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) moved him in a moment. The state of the Prophet himself is the secret behind his ability to change the state of Obayy.

I have witnessed that in some of my teachers, whose one-word comment on something would elevate my ‘state’ for days. Some may not even speak at all at a certain occasion, yet influenced me deeply with a high state of remembering Allah that they were experiencing.

Then Ibn `Ataa' says: "And does not guide you to Allah with his speech". This is the next level of friends; a friend who does not necessarily elevate you with his state, but guides you to Allah with words he/she says.